her vagine was all disorganized.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
