someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
