had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
