My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
