Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
