i jhust puked up my retainher.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
