I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
