So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
