Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
