Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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