I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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