Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
