I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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