Your face is a jimmy john
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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