So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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