dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
