I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize