I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
