im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Welp...herpes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
