I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
