How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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