Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
