It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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