I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
