the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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