So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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