she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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