first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Still dying that you shit outside
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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