So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
