bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
