Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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