Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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