My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
