This dress was meant to end up on your floor
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
