So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
