yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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