So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
