it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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