it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
