I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
