The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
