Whod you bang
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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