if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
