I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
