And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
