we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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