it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
