there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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