She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
