RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my poor anus
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
