is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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