these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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