how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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