I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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