Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
