Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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