Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
