just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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