i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
