glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
