You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
