i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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