I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
