yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
