Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
