Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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