We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
