she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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