i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
