i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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