I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
