Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
