so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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