at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
