Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
