I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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