I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
