Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
