goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
