jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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