I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
