I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
